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The Man Code
1. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him.
2. Under no circumstances may two guys share an umbrella.
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be
legally killed and eaten by his fellow attendees.
4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother,
father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to
his whereabouts. You are
permitted to deny his very existence..
5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent
without recrimination. Beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call out, "Bullshit!" (Exception: When attempting to pick up a
girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent.)
7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is
off-limits...... forever.
8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10
minutes for every increment of hotness she scores on the classic
1-to-10 Babe Scale.
9. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddy's
refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is
unsuitable.
10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for
another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is
strictly optional and slightly gay.
11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your
buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get
carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the
beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor
party.
12. Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his
permission. He, in return, is required to grant it.
13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be regarded as spies until they demonstrate a knowledge of the game and the ability
to pick a buffalo wing clean.
14. If a guy's zipper is down, that's his problem. You didn't see
nothin'.
15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
16. A man must never own a cat or even like his girlfriend's
cat.
17. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask
who's playing.
18. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her
whiny friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare the
excuse about joining the priesthood.
19 . It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when
you're sunning on a tropical beach . . . and it's delivered by a
topless supermodel. . .. and it's free.
20. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
21. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
22. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to
fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last
24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then
you may sit back and enjoy.
23. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while
weightlifting:* "Yeah, baby, push it!" - "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!" - "Another set and we can hit the showers." -"Nice ass! Are you a Sagittarius?"
24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both. That's just plain indecent.
25. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be
referring to his beer choice.
26. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she's withholding sex pending your response.
27. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal
footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other
situations, a nod is all the conversation you should allow.
1. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him.
2. Under no circumstances may two guys share an umbrella.
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be
legally killed and eaten by his fellow attendees.
4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother,
father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to
his whereabouts. You are
permitted to deny his very existence..
5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent
without recrimination. Beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call out, "Bullshit!" (Exception: When attempting to pick up a
girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent.)
7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is
off-limits...... forever.
8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10
minutes for every increment of hotness she scores on the classic
1-to-10 Babe Scale.
9. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddy's
refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is
unsuitable.
10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for
another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is
strictly optional and slightly gay.
11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your
buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get
carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the
beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor
party.
12. Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his
permission. He, in return, is required to grant it.
13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be regarded as spies until they demonstrate a knowledge of the game and the ability
to pick a buffalo wing clean.
14. If a guy's zipper is down, that's his problem. You didn't see
nothin'.
15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
16. A man must never own a cat or even like his girlfriend's
cat.
17. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask
who's playing.
18. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her
whiny friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare the
excuse about joining the priesthood.
19 . It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when
you're sunning on a tropical beach . . . and it's delivered by a
topless supermodel. . .. and it's free.
20. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
21. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
22. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to
fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last
24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then
you may sit back and enjoy.
23. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while
weightlifting:* "Yeah, baby, push it!" - "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!" - "Another set and we can hit the showers." -"Nice ass! Are you a Sagittarius?"
24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both. That's just plain indecent.
25. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be
referring to his beer choice.
26. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she's withholding sex pending your response.
27. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal
footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other
situations, a nod is all the conversation you should allow.
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