Phrases to live by...

[bszopi]

A guy at work gave these to me the other day. Pretty funny!

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with his experience.
2. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
3. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
4. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
5. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
6. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
7. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, "In case of emergency, notify:", I put 'DOCTOR'.
8. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
9. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
10. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
11. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
12. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
13. I used to be indecisive. Not I'm not so sure.
14. Your never to old to learn something stupid.
15. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
16. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
17. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
18. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
19. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
20. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

[SappySE107]

Yup, how to act in public. Ill get there someday

[geldartb]

"Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with."

all depends on how expensive your happiness is

[mfuller]

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly.

[RednBlack]

No "Like" button?

[pocket-rocket]

Never eat yellow snow.

Never pee into the wind.

If the grass is greener on the other side, it's probably fertilized with

[geldartb]

If the grass is greener on the other side, it's probably fertilized with

only if it smells funny

[RedOnion]

lol

[Daguse5853Z]

if it bleeds for a week and doesn't die don't trust it lol