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Lipstick... On a "Pig"...

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  • Lipstick... On a "Pig"...

    Okay... so my son has convinced me that I'm fit enough now to get some of those black, form fitting "Starter- Dry-Star" quick drying style shirts and I headed off to Walmart to try and find some that would fit...but not be "sausage skin" tight. Lo and Behold... I find some and actually... they do sort of tighten everything up and make one look a bit better... especially of you have been hitting the weights as hard and as often as we have been lately.

    Anyhoo... I'm standing in the checkout lane and I spy some Chapsticks that I need in a pretty bad way after cutting my upper lip that morning while shaving and finding it reminding me too often as salty sweat made its way into the small wound during my workout. So I just grabbed the one that says "Classic" and added that to the purchase of the sportswear. Time passes and the next day I realized that I also needed the black nylon pants or something like them because the manager at the local "YouFit" (This place is NOT BAD, Men... $10.00 a month and No Long Term Contracts!!!) tells me that my "Blue Jeans are not acceptable to wear in the gym"...mentioning something about,"... tearing up the vinyl benches." So the next day...I'm back at Walmart and like any other creature of habit, I gravitated to the check-out lane of the same friendly lady I saw the day before.

    As I unloaded the shopping cart of my latest grabs... I glanced over at the woman, just to make friendly eye contact and give her one of my patented and ever-charming smiles... and she suddenly bursts out laughing. So I'm thinking, "WTF is YOUR Problem?" and she reached under the counter and after unrolling a few paper towels ... she handed them over, saying, "That whole Bridget Bardot... Pouty Lip thing?... It ain't working out for you, Sir..." and continues to laugh. So instinctively ...I accepted the towels and started wiping my mouth and then I looked down and saw the prettiest shade of Bubble Gum Strawberry Pink Chapstick any REAL man ever had the balls to wear... and now I am laughing right along with her... So... Like Barry Bonds...from now on... its gonna be "The Clear...or the Cream" stuff for ME!. So for those of you that don't know... even retired LEOs can still be called "PIGS" in this kind of situation... (Pucker Up... Big Boy!)
    Last edited by 60dgrzbelow0; 04-01-2010, 11:21 PM.

  • #2
    Lol, that's good stuff man. I bet you were pretty beat faced after that too. At least I would have been.
    -60v6's 2nd Jon M.
    91 Black Lumina Z34-5 speed
    92 Black Lumina Z34 5 speed (getting there, slowly... follow the progress here)
    94 Red Ford Ranger 2WD-5 speed
    Originally posted by Jay Leno
    Tires are cheap clutches...

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    • #3
      Actually... I am always fairly composed under the worst of circumstances in a "hostile crowd"... LOL...But get this... the story gets even BETTER...

      Naturally... I find that the greatest method to get someone to laugh is to make fun of yourself... so when "The Lil Woman" comes home from work... I regale her with this story...and sure enough... it has the desired effect..guffaws all around. But the next day... she repeats my sorry escapade to her friend, "Bev G"...who ...after managing to compose herself imagining the vision of me shopping for an hour in a busy Walmart Store while sporting Pouty Pink Lips... she says... "No.. Wait... I've got an even BETTER story..." This leads her to describe how her young Grandson took to liking to watch his Mother applying her lipstick in the mirror each morning...so to humor the lad...she used a bit of Chapstick to give him an idea of how it works... Sure enough... he was back with his stick of Chapstick the following morning to proudly show his Mom that he knew how to apply the stuff. When he said, "Mommy... let me try mine on YOU!". Naturally she agreed..and as he ran the waxy stick around her mouth... he also mentioned, "I put my lipstick on the CAT too this morning, Mommy..." So the woman tried to compose herself, wiping the stuff off quite vigourosly and tells the boy, "Show me...Son..." When she inspected the cat... she saw no evidence of the goo around its mouth...but...when she eyeballed the Kiity's hind end, she saw a fairly symmetrical waxy "O" ring all the way around the Cat's Butt... and "Pink Eye".... (Lady Falls over in a near dead faint...leaving us likewise in the same condition...trying not to laugh and pee ourselves at the same time)
      Last edited by 60dgrzbelow0; 03-30-2010, 11:59 AM.

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      • #4
        AHH!

        that's a feeling that will never leave!
        1995 Monte Carlo LS 3100, 4T60E...for now, future plans include driving it until the wheels fall off!
        Latest nAst1 files here!
        Need a wiring diagram for any GM car or truck from 82-06(and 07-08 cars)? PM me!

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        • #5
          Well Bob, I'll bet you looked QUITE fetching!!
          Good to see you out of the closet!!!
          Tom....
          GOOD story by the way!!
          Last edited by walterdude; 03-29-2010, 02:55 PM.

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          • #6
            hahah what makes this story even MORE ridiculous is that afaik our friend Bob is a VERY large and muscular man, especially for his age!

            I almost cried when i though about Bob from clear water walking through a wal mart with lipstick on !!

            93 Firebird 3.4
            Pacesetter Headers, Flowmaster 80, Comp 1.6 RR,Cloyes 2x Set, P&P Heads & Intakes, Custom Cam, Holley FPR, Ram Air Intake, Posi Rear w/3.42's & Disk Brakes.
            Cam and Heads by 60Inclusive.com

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            • #7
              Originally posted by tkoforpresident View Post
              ...hahah... What makes this story even MORE ridiculous is that, afaik, our friend Bob is a VERY large and muscular man, especially for his age! I almost cried when I thought about Bob from Clearwater walking through a Walmart with lipstick on !!
              Oh God, Tom... Have you got any idea how bright that crap looks under Walmart's flourescent store lights? Keeeeryst!

              LOL... Max... you are so right... But just in case there is any doubt... here is a glimpse of "The Thing" that hangs off my right shoulder; the popular prejudice being that they come in pairs, there is another very similar one that hangs off of my left shoulder as well... very old and gnarly...but still very strong and useful...and "handy" to have in all situations... except THIS one ----> Pink Lipstick + Knobby Guns =
              Attached Files
              Last edited by 60dgrzbelow0; 03-31-2010, 01:34 PM.

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              • #8
                ....You should have seen them Forty Years ago... I had muscles in my sh*t back then...

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                • #9
                  Lol, Lightning and Thunder. My dad called his biceps that. "If Lightning don't get you, Thunder will!"
                  -60v6's 2nd Jon M.
                  91 Black Lumina Z34-5 speed
                  92 Black Lumina Z34 5 speed (getting there, slowly... follow the progress here)
                  94 Red Ford Ranger 2WD-5 speed
                  Originally posted by Jay Leno
                  Tires are cheap clutches...

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by 60dgrzbelow0 View Post
                    Oh God, Tom... Have you got any idea how bright that crap looks under Walmart's flourescent store lights? Keeeeryst!

                    LOL... Max... you are so right... But just in case there is any doubt... here is a glimpse of "The Thing" that hangs off my right shoulder; the popular prejudice being that they come in pairs, there is another very similar one that hangs off of my left shoulder as well... very old and gnarly...but still very strong and useful...and "handy" to have in all situations... except THIS one ----> Pink Lipstick + Knobby Guns =
                    You should get those tumors looked at!

                    lol jk Keep fit! Your health insurance bill will show the rewards!
                    Lifting my front wheels, one jack at a time.

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